~~~~~ P A M c a k e s ~~~~~
Pamela Almeda

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Location: Singapore, Philippines

Wednesday, February 16, 2005

My One & Only Lola Cely

My everdearest grammy,
Lola Cely passed away.
She was pronounced dead at 9:45am
last Saturday February 5, 2004.

With a heavy heart
I decided to let her go.

My last conversation with Lola
was the day before she died.
It was absolutely a gloomy Thursday for me
when I learned of her critical condition.
Immediately, I called my mom on her handphone
to talk with Lola.

Lola was lying in the hospital then,
unable to speak. My mom told me
that the last sense to be lost
before a person dies
was that of hearing.
So I talked with Lola Cely
and told her that I love her
and how I wished she could visit me
in Singapore sometime soon.

That moment, as I described in my last entry,
felt like a sudden pause in my life.
My heart seemed to stop for an instant there,
"as if a heart could ever put up a poker face".
I felt I was inside an empty picture.
Everthing seemed all blank; everything became unnecessary
and unimportant that all I could think of
was my longing to be beside Lola
even for the last minutes of her life.
I wanted to go home and see her
even for the very last time.

And so I did. But it was too late
because Lola passed away
even before I could get hold of my airline ticket
bound from Singapore to Manila.
I arrived the day after grammy died,
it was the 6th of Feb. My brothers, JB & Mike,
picked me up at the airport and we headed straight
to Holy Trinity where Lola's wake was held.

When I arrived at the wake I did not want to look
into Lola's coffin. Although I decided to let her go,
I never really accepted in my heart that she was gone
for good. It was as if she was just there, just away
for a vacation or something. But a few seconds after I entered the room as I glanced at the gold and shiny coffin; and one of the visitors asked me a question
(I cannot even recall what);
it sank into me suddenly that my one and only Lola Cely
will be gone for good this time. And so I dashed out of the room and I cried, trying to relieve my longing
and give out a li'l space for my heavy heart.

Then, I realized how Lola has just been released from her physical suffering with diabetes, acquired pneumonia, and other complications that overpowered her. I was gladenned by the thought that finally, my favorite grandmother could be with the Lord, that she could rest and be at peace.

With a much lighter heart I finally let her go.

We watched over Lola until the morning of Feb 10, Thursday - the day she was buried at Loyola Memorial, Sucat.

~~~ Lola Cely ~~~

was the best grandmother I ever had. She was kind, generous and always optimistic, always ready to lend her heart to someone in need.

My inspiration. My friend. My one and only Lola Cely.

My fondest memories of her are when the three of us
(Lola Cely, Mommy Sylvia, and I) would bond
over a meal at home or in some resto and
we would just talk about our everyday struggles
(especially mom and me) and always I found
some sense of inspiration in Lola. I also remember
the times I drag Lola to this and that activity
and she would in turn drag me to watch her long-awaited Tagalog films. I miss those movies Lola...
I remember the two of us discussing together
about life and love. Lola would always listen to me
and share her thoughts and wisdom.
There are a lot of memories with lola especially since she lived in our house for the last 5 years, day in day out.

I will always remember lola
and she will be in my heart for as long as I live.
We love you Inay Cely!


Friday, February 04, 2005


Mom and dad messaged me saying she's in critical condition.
My heart sunk...
As if a heart could ever put up a poker face,
such was the feeling...
Of not knowing what to know or what to feel.
I dread this moment.
I did not want her to see me like this.
I wanted her to see me up there on stage.
She promised to be here for my graduation,
that's only 2 to 3 months to go.
Again, I'm in a trance, missing my grandma
the closest one I ever had.
My special witness to the journey I alone took.
I'll miss her for sure. forever.
Such is the feeling of being left behind, if ever I must add.
Unprepared so to speak but ready...
Ready for whatever is His will.
After a prayer between my loving Father and me.
I surrender, hoping not to hold back
Praying for a miracle, one that will glorify His name once more.
I miss her.
I hope I can hear her voice tomorrow.

Tuesday, February 01, 2005

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